Small Victories

Sometimes it's the little things that we accomplish that mean the most.

A's parents came down two weekends ago and we had a very nice lunch at our new place. I made tacos for the four of us and my parents stopped by after for dessert. After a touch of awkwardness (I mean, it was only their second time meeting after all) it was just so nice to have our families together in our new home. My parents only stayed for a little while and as they were leaving my mom made a comment to A's mom that she was excited the two of them were going to be able to plan a wedding soon and did she want to come dress shopping with us. It was such a little comment (followed by the remark that weddings take at least two years to plan from A's mom... baby steps) but for the rest of the time that we spent with his parents that day, his mom kept bringing up the subject. In the nearly four years that I have known this woman I can literally count the number of chatty conversations we've had together on one hand. I don't know if it was my mom's comment, or if she's finally starting to accept that they are stuck with me, or what, but she was actually being chatty and talking to me and I was overjoyed. I never wanted to get married before A but I always imagined that if I did that I would be super close to my in-laws and especially my Mother in Law. I reconciled that dream years ago but I keep trying anyways and I love that we are finally breaking some barriers down. We have lots of time to become a family.

Last weekend our friends from college came down to break in our new pad with a party. It was so great to see them and have them celebrate with us.

Also last weekend I decided that I was going to run  10 miles before Thanksgiving. I know that doesn't sounds like a lot to anyone but me but with my knee situation that has kind of been a miracle. Today I was able to run 1.25 miles straight and I had the hugest silliest grin on my face. My knees hurt now but I was able to do it. I have 7.75 more miles to go and I'm really excited. I've also been working on the weights and sometimes I think I can see results. My mom and I have committed to going to the gym together after work MWF so that has been really fun and motivating. My eating habits are getting better but living in two places at once is hard. Often I fall asleep at the apartment before I can make my lunch for the next day and then have to wake up and rush home so I can actually go to sleep. Sometimes I manage to make lunch or snacks at the apartment and forget to bring them home in my half asleep rush to get back. I don't have enough time in the morning to make anything for lunch. I barely manage making breakfast. So eating habits are next on my list to change.

A and I officially joined our bank accounts so we are excited about that. One step closer!!!

We have started talking about a venue and a date but nothing is decided yet. We have tentatively picked October 2014 but depending on our venue that could easily change due to availability etc.

I am no longer being babysat at work and am getting to know my coworkers. Tomorrow a bunch of us are going out to lunch together and then after work I am getting a pedicure with one of them. It's fun to have some new friends.

We officially moved Beckham into the apartment. He had a few days of adjustment but it's getting better. We  Anthony built him a "tree", or whatever these things are called:

Anyways, he loves it.

But that's all for now folks!!

If this were a movie

Today marked the end of my second week at my new job. That's right! Two and a half weeks ago I said goodbye to my amazing coworkers and STOPPED COMMUTING!!

Excuse the horrendous picture and my apparent lack of eyebrows

 It's been a little rough. Between new information overload, adjusting to a much harder work schedule, and completely rearranging my sleeping schedule I have been struggling just a little. I have reverted into a full blown Starbucks addict (although today I have made the decision to quit... Except for when my boss so generously buys it for the office because come on... I'm only human) and it's become completely outrageous. The past two weeks have also been completely unhealthy... Stress and not sleeping and eating to keep me awake etc etc.
On top of this we are currently moving into our new apartment.

By "our" new apartment what I really mean is our new apartment that only A is living in currently. I spend all of my time there but since we are not married yet I am not sleeping there. It's been really fun to move in but the day after we got the keys A got shipped off an hour away to stay in a hotel for job training so I was by myself for the week.It has been fun moving everything in though. I will post pictures as soon as we are officially done for the time being. The in-laws are coming down on Sunday to see it so it will have to be done by then. 

On top of all of this we have been super happy. Almost too happy. Everything that we have been talking about for the last couple years has been coming true. About a month ago I started to worry. It seems so silly to see it in writing but it's true. Things were going too well, at least in my mind and I was actually afraid to be too happy. It was like I was afraid to have such a big high because I was worried about the huge low I was sure that was going to follow. I didn't say anything to A because I didn't want  him to worry too. But then, a couple weeks after I started feeling this way A and I were driving and all of the sudden he turned to me and said, "Do you get the feeling that everything has been going too well lately?" I was amazed and so relieved that we were on the same path. "If this were a movie something tragic would happen right about now." I hadn't quite thought about it in those specific terms but he was right, that was the exact line of thought that I had been on. But in the end, that's a terrible way to live. You can't just live life expecting the worst. God has been teaching me to trust Him lately so that is what I am going to do. We are super happy and just trying to live and love and enjoy this precious life. What will come will come and we will take it when it does. As long as we do it together we will be perfectly fine.

Roughing It

This weekend A and I were able to sneak off and have a mini-vacation. He was able to request time off for an entire weekend (gasp!) so we booked a campsite a couple hours away near Idyllwild. We both love to camp but also have very little experience doing so and as it was our first trip just the two of us, we had some minor difficulties. For instance, due to work schedules, we arrived after dark and struggled to erect our tent (a grad gift) for the first time, especially because our lantern (also a grad gift) would not light because we couldn't figure out how to make it work in the dark. Luckily a military family camping next to us took pity on us and lent us their lantern so that we could set everything up (after which we figured out the lantern... go figure).
We love camping. It is nice to just get away from the city, breathe some clean air, roast some weenies, and get away from technology. Plus it is cheap so long as you have the supplies (most of which was gifted to us for graduation) so that works perfectly into our tight "justgraduatedandhavetonsofloansandbillsandnewfoundresponsibilities" budget. It was a fantastically lazy weekend. We literally sat around, ate food, talked, enjoyed each other's company, snoozed, took a walk, and had a water fight. It was completely perfect. I even only got sunburned a little! A is far too brown to burn... Lucky guy!
One of the things that the trip made me realize is how much I need would like a nice camera. I want to be able to look back and say, "wow we were super underprepared", or "look how I totally won that water fight... sucker!"when we are old and wrinkly. Or show our kids how young and dumb we were and how much fun we had anyways and how much we love each other. I'm considering just getting an ipod touch or something since those now have cameras and then I could just upload my pictures to instagram but it seems like kind of an unnecessary purchase since I already have a really old version of the ipod touch. And an ipad. And a laptop. I fully endorse simple, uncomplicated living and having that many technological gadgets seems unnecessary to me. Any thoughts? I have a digital camera that I should probably just use instead but that makes it such a process to upload to anywhere except for here.
Wow. I sound like such a little spoiled brat right now. Never mind. I will just find my old camera, and I will make it work. I am lucky to even have it.
Anyways, hopefully the next post will have some pictures. I adore me some pictures!!
I hope everyone had an amazingly relaxing weekend <3

Stress

People told me that when I graduated my life would not get easier. If anything, I was told that it would become more difficult. While it is true that my life has changed dramatically in the last few months, I don't think that it has gotten harder.

When I was in school, I had fun but my life mostly consisted of stress. I was stressed about school deadlines, work deadlines, upcoming dance performances, tests, homework, bills, family. You name it. Even when I was doing something fun to de-stress I couldn't fully enjoy it because the back of my head was constantly nagging and reminding me about the homework I should have been doing. I wasn't getting nearly enough sleep and as a result I was eating constantly to stay awake. My body revolted in a variety of forms; I was sick most of the time, I was physically in pain, and I was gaining a lot of weight.  None of this was okay with me but I couldn't seem to find any other way around it, even with my impeccable time management planning skills. Graduation seemed like a light at the end of the tunnel. If I could only just get there, everything would be okay...

I don't often create expectations in my mind for how things are going to be, maybe because I am afraid of being let down, or maybe because I just don't think about it. But Graduation was different. I was excited. I literally could not wait any longer. Being done with school could not come a minute too soon.

All of the sudden I was done, and guess what? I was right about one thing... It is easier happier.

Yes bills are stressful, yes moving is stressful, yes work can be stressful. Yes. BUT my downtime is my own now; there is nothing in the back of my mind nagging me to do homework. BUT I always have enough money to make it through and then some. BUT my deadlines are much more manageable now.

And then, one night, I made a promise to myself. I decided that from now on, my life is going to be as stress free and happy as possible. Life is just too short. If I don't get something done today, I will get it done tomorrow. If something goes wrong, calmly find a solution. There is absolutely no reason for stress, when life can be lived without. It just isn't worth it to live in that kind of environment all the time.  Obviously it is impossible to do without it entirely, but by taking steps to prevent it I feel that I am much happier now. I've lost weight. I sleep better. I make better choices. It can only be a good thing in my life.

Some things that help me to de-stress are as follows:
- Eating healthy --> This has been huge for me. Becoming a mostly vegetarian/vegan has made me feel so much better. My body seems to function so much better and I don't feel nearly as sluggish or icky. I literally feel clean.
- Exercising --> Everyone knows that exercise gives you endorphins which makes you happy. But honestly, feeling overweight is just such a downer. As I am getting healthier and finally losing some of the weight I put on while I was in school my mood just keeps going up and up! Not because I am getting skinnier, but because I feel more confident in my strength and health. Looking better is really just an added perk to the emotional boost that I get because I am pushing and challenging myself.
- Crocheting --> I love to crochet. No I'm not a granny. I love crocheting because it is mindless and repetitive, and sometimes that is exactly what I need to get my mind to turn off from my day. I happen to do really basic stuff when I crochet, like scarves and blankets. Nothing fancy, no frills. I also crochet to donate. Currently I am creating a collection of them so that I can bring a bunch all at once to a woman's shelter or something.
- Indulging --> This is so important to me. If I want Starbucks, I will get Starbucks. If I want an ice cream, that's okay. If I want to sit around and just read my book for an hour instead of doing something productive, I will. Now, obviously this can't happen every day or it wouldn't be an indulgence it would be a hinderance BUT the more I allow myself to indulge, the less I actually feel like I need to. The second I tell myself I cannot do something, I want to. By allowing myself to partake in these kinds of things, I feel less of a need to actually do them.
- Visiting friends --> Not many people live in my hometown anymore but I really enjoy going an seeing them anyways. It is always fun to get out and go somewhere else to hang out with people in their territory. It always feels like a mini vacation, even if it only lasts for a couple hours.
- Writing letters --> My best friend and I have been writing letters to each other since high school and its a practice that we still continue. I adore writing letters. With so much technological interference we sometimes forget how therapeutic hand writing things are. I could easily shoot her a text (and often do) but there is something that is just so thrilling about receiving something in the mailbox that is not a bill.
- Having a clean room --> This is huge for me. Organization and cleanliness are by far one of the easiest ways for my to head off stress.
- Looking nice --> It might sound superficial but I don't care. When I feel like I look good, I instantly feel more confident and happier. I carry myself differently because of how I feel.
- Playing with Beckham --> Let's face it, cats/kittens are hilarious. It always makes me laugh to see him doing crazy acrobatics while chasing something so mundane like a straw or piece of balled up paper. I mean seriously, who needs to buy "real" toys? :]

The Necessity of Work Out Buddies

When I was in high school, I was very very active. I was dancing around 30 hours a week between dance team at my school and studio classes and rehearsals. I ate constantly and not always the most healthily but it was okay because I was so active. In my sophomore year I had several adults in my life take me aside and ask me if I was struggling with eating disorders because I was 5'8" and weighed somewhere around 125lbs. I was teeny tiny. None of my friends bothered to ask me because they saw the absurd amount of food that I brought to school and ate throughout the day. I really miss that environment of not having a choice of whether to go to dance or not and getting pushed when I got there. I was strong and in fantastic shape and its because I had teachers yelling at me all day. I couldn't get away with not doing it.

I'm on the right. Look how skinny I was!

When I got to college, I was accepted onto the dance team here, so for a while I was able to be pushed and forced to exercise. But time went on and I kept getting injured and eventually couldn't be on the team anymore and I was just gaining and gaining weight. I'm not sure when I hit my highest weight but it was somewhere around 170. I was horrified. My dad had always told me that the day I stopped dancing I would get fat because I always just ate so much. And the thing is, when my dancing got to a minimum, my eating habits stayed the same as what I was used to doing with a 30 hour dance week. It's a common misconception that dancers don't eat. Wrong. Dancers eat more than any other group I have yet come into contact with. We love eating. It's our second favorite thing outside of dance. And I kept eating. And my dad was right.
I tried to go to the gym off and on throughout college. I would get really motivated and then the second I had to get out of bed early I would fail. Especially with my schedule, giving up even one hour of sleep seemed like too much of a sacrifice. If I decided to go after school I was  always hungry, or I had homework, or I hadn't seen my friends all week and wanted to see them now. Excuses. Logical and fairly legitimate excuses. But excuses nonetheless. And I was able to put it off until tomorrow, and tomorrow I was able to put it off until the next day. And so on. Clearly I wasn't making any progress.
(I will say that I have mostly changed my eating habits, and I'm proud of myself for that. Health is like 80% food and so far I am learning a lot and making huge progress.)
So with my motivation clearly not there, I decided that Lent would be the perfect time for me to start running. Clearly making the commitment to myself was not good enough motivation so I would make it to God. I decided that I would run three times a week. I never decided how much I was allowed to or needed to run, because I figured if I could just get myself out there I would do my best. It makes me sad to say that I have mostly followed through. So far I have gone twice a week. Or all the times that I have gone running though, only three times has been without a partner.

My Work-out Buddy

G lives in my house with me. His wife T and I were hallmates our freshman year of college while G was overseas serving our military. Now we all live together along with our other friend V. G and I started running together in the mornings. It's great because he is this huge Mexican man who is an army vet and is trained as a medic. He is literally the perfect person to run with, especially in my neighborhood, where young women really shouldn't go running alone unless its in the middle of the day. We got up this morning and I seriously didn't want to. It sounded like a good idea last night but as soon as my alarm went off I was praying that I wouldn't hear him get up so I could just go back to sleep. Well the jerk got up and I am so glad that he did. We went for our run, which is slowly getting faster and longer, and when we got back I was so grateful. This is why I never succeeded before. I needed someone to keep me accountable and make me run when I say I'm going to. He has even brought new ideas into our workout. Usually we do interval training and it is so much more effective that running and you can do more of it. It's a blessing to have someone in my life that will make sure I do this. I have already noticed myself getting stronger. V feels left out because she is a runner too, but she is far more experienced and I haven't told her that it is my goal to be able to run with her and not feel like a giant LOSER.
Anyways, the morale of the story is that if you don't have a work out buddy, you need to get one. The only times I have ever really been truly successful at working out consistently is when I've had a running partner or work out buddy that I meet at the gym. People are lazy, but we don't want to let our friends down.
Just do it :]